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Joke - Sperm bank robbery
06.20.05 (9:41 pm)   [edit]












A masked man walked into a sperm bank, pulled out a gun, and told the secretary that this was a stick up and to open the safe.

The secretary replied, "You idiot, this is a sperm bank, there's no money here!!"

The masked man insisted that if she did not open the safe he would shoot her on the spot. Reluctantly, she opened the safe and stood back. There in the open safe were two vials of sperm.

The robber pointed his gun at the two vials and ordered the secretary to drink them both or he would blow her head off.

When she had finished drinking the second vial the robber took off his mask. There stood her husband with a grin on his face!!

"See Doris", he said. "that didn't kill you, did it?!"



 
"Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
06.20.05 (5:49 pm)   [edit]
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM :

1.Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2.Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3.This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting.

4.The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5.Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.


 
Joke - Drive your wife wild
06.20.05 (5:47 pm)   [edit]
Three guys are sitting in a bar having a few drinks together.

One guy says, "So tell me, what do you do to drive your wife wild?"

"Well," says the second guy, "After making love, I go out to the garden and pick some roses. Then I take the petals off and sprinkle them all over her body. Then I blow them off with a soft breath that drives her wild."

Next guy says, "After making love, I get some baby oil and massage it gently all over her body, and that drives her wild!"

Last guy says, "When me and the old lady are through, I jump out of bed and wipe my cock on the curtain. Drives her nuts!"


 
13/1/2005 - news and work
01.12.05 (8:23 am)   [edit]

it is 3:00 am in the morning on 13th jan 2005 and i am working with my team for last one week ( every night we all land up working till 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning), trying to get the product made for NSS.


i am  surfing around and agressive reading a lot of blogging papers and their were few really interesting facts that i can across. Few to mention are


1. ebay stopped using microsoft passport. do i care right


2. prono industries is the one that is driving the DVD CD market and it is not a joke , i am serious. check out the below link by reuters - http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=technologyNews&storyID=7274001&src=rss/technologyNews


3. came across like link that has about million of SMS utility applications. http://www.textually.org/textually/archives/cat_new_sms_services.htm


4. China has more than 400 million mobile users, turst me it will be fun to sell mobile application in the chinese market.


5. YES, WE as humans have found the cure for AIDS - i think it is a break throw in figuring out the gene that can potentially stop the HIV virus growth but it is still fast away from over. check out this http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=scienceNews&storyID=7282674&src=rss/scienceNews


I am compiling this list of conversations with my friends over the chat so that later in life , looking back at future one can see and enjoy the cute conversations one had.  Hoping to make a compilation and reflect them in the future movies of mine.


I will be writing two articles -


1. digital entertainment and its future and what audience will really expriecne soon?


2. digital world and a secure digital box solution for any and every company to have?


 


 



 
26/12/2004 -
12.30.04 (2:38 pm)   [edit]

finally got some time again to punch in the key board for writing down what my life is offering right now. One thing is for sure that it is busy and it will be busy like hell , i do not know if i am investing my time in the right work so not, but it feels right and the exposure is good.


Marathon of movies is what was happenign for last 2 days. It started with going for "the aviator" - howard huges story , dam impressive, highly motivating for a guy like me, theme - do what u wish to do ( follow ur heart ) and world will follow u and not to forget "chics dig money". It was one long movie - 3 hours like a hindi movie, watched it  from 12:00 to 3:15 , man it was long.


Followed with that was the sexy uma thruman's KILL BILL (vol 1 and vol 2), amazing script and amazing charaters ( certain points the movie was too too too much of fake stuff) but i loved watching the fight sequance and how the pieces were put together. Terantino is "god in movie making" , hope to handshakes with him someday. The japanese comic script introducing was facinating.


Third one which I watched was "Van Helsing", the start was very funny but story was cool and the introduction of character was pretty impressive, the three beautiful bat witches were amazing and the where wolf definitely was a "treat for graphics lovers", the fight sequence were again noticable.


Guess the movie quality's with support of technology have become so real and so imaginative, no movie now is without digital touch or dependency to it. It is good, i just wonder what the future will bring, holographic 3D movies were you are in the middle of the action and can actually participart in the fight sequecnce and feel the hot blood of u when the bad guys are killed by uma thruman.


Fifth and final movie i watched was "Whole Ten yard" where jarry and bruis are amazing, it was a light movie. a good watch but nothing much to expect.


OK, enough of movie talk, what else is coming up in life is -
wrote down my short,mid and long term goals, suddenly it is becoming very clear for me to know where i need to put more time and energy. i will be sharing my goals later, currently working on the scenario planning for that.


Yesterday met couple of cute girls, good fun and also exchange smiles with a gorgeous one but she left before i would make a move. :) will get her.getting fat and have not done any excercise for last 3 days, god bless me.


ok time to cook food and just get out of this house.


i have to save money also. i do not know why i am writing this but i have to do this.



 
12/15/2004
12.30.04 (2:36 pm)   [edit]

ok i am sitting int he airport - boeing shit XYZ plane in Dhaka and trust me i am tried , really tired. i just want to go back home and sleep , sleep.


about the trip - started with KL to dhaka to dubai, dhaka to dubai to kuwait, kuwait to dubai back in the same day :( ,


stayed in dubai for one day, now going back to KL thru dhaka. just travel, not much of work doneother than two +ve meetings.


i think i should be talking about what was good in the trip, the chics were ok on the flight, but landed up in dubai and bunch of young pretty beautiful girls were around , really pretty. anyways what


i acutally do not know what i have to type in, but any ways i will mention certain pointers which i learnt in the trip and from the discussion with Saluja -
1. concept of scenario planning -
2. knowledge management - a personal tool is is an important key to success and how to manage it
3. catching on words and playing it back - what you have to convey needs to be hold to the other party in their own



 
12/12/2004
12.30.04 (2:34 pm)   [edit]

I am sitting in the flight to dubai that has taken a break in dhaka, the flight is sad no pretty girls and i am stuck working for the presentaiton. the presentation is still ok butit would have been fun if few nice beautiful people were around.


Got a hair cut done, left home one of good freind with another good friend of mine , cecilie with anupam. hope she does not feel alone when i am gone.


Any monent things can change - lets fly. Hillary duff has this in her song, she is cute, can she replace bitney with her progority(i think the speeling are  wrong). the "timeline" from mister micheal crichton is not bad. i am where the good guys are have entered the world that is 600 years ago and two of them are already dead. it is pretty much interesting and it is helping me to understand how to generate suspense. but i have to admit it is difficult thing to do.


mSecure renamed to XMS, this is the third name of my baby. i hope this is the final name. the first three anmes are as following -
1. SSMS - Secure SMS - i guess too many S in it, that is why it was droped i guess :)
2. SecMobCom - secure mobile communication, mob and com - even though i named it , naaaa... :) 
3. mSecure - mobile Secure - wasa good name but it is taken, :(
4. XMS - Xecured Message Service - lets see ;)


i have to type a lot of mails so i will sign off for today.


today again no excercise, hate myself for that, but the butter potates and icecream was good.


i do not know if any one values the following day which many of the people reading my blog must have lived by -
12-34-56 7/8/90


it is the only day and time when 1234567890 was in sequence. I remember it because my math teacher told me that when i was in school time.